“ARE you trying to come across as a bloody Mexican drug
lord?!” an American friend asked the night before we left the US bound for England.
My smug grin quickly turned into a desperate frown.
“Let me get this straight… you’re going to carry nine
THOUSAND dollars back in your pocket…?! Flying from San Diego… which is next
door to Tijuana – one of the most notorious drug havens in the world…”
Cue friend pretending to put on rubber gloves.
Sometimes good ideas become quite the opposite.
You see, my plan was simple.
To avoid being charged by Bank of America and my English bank
for wiring my money back to the UK, I decided to draw it all out and simply
carry it back on my person.
With Bank of America charging $35 for every wire transfer of
$1,000 (with a $1,000 limit to each transfer) I was facing the possibility of
paying over $300 to wire the contents of my US account.
F*ck that for a game of chess.
I’ll just take the money out and carry it, I thought.
 |
| Money talks |
So this ‘good’ idea was just that… until this particular moment
sat around the dinner table for our last supper.
“You like the idea of cavity searches then?” my friend asked
with a wry smile.
In hindsight I have to say that after catching three
flights, stashing and then re-stashing the cash in various pockets and bags – I
wouldn’t do it again.
I’d checked the legal customs limit for the amount of
dollars which can be taken into the UK, and I was fine. It was legal and above
board.
(Oh, and worth pointing out that the money was our savings fund
for a car in San Diego).
But for that 20+ hour return journey I was terrified of the
prospect of misplacing the wad of cash, or being jumped in the men’s toilets –
or both.
End result… we arrived in the UK complete with cash (although
nerves completely shot).
Of course dollars are useless in the UK until they’re
converted into British Pounds.
And that was an experience in itself.
I stood in the queue at the busy Santander branch until it
was my turn to speak to the bank representative.
With hushed tones I said: “I’d like to deposit some dollars
into my account…”
“How much,” the representative asked.
“Um… a lot…” I replied trying to give off hard-man vibes to
the people assembled behind me.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to get them changed at a currency
exchange and then bring in the pounds to deposit,” she said.
So off we went to Thomas Cook for act two.
“I’d like to change up some dollars,” I said defiantly.
“How much would you like to change,” came the reply.
“Um… (cue hushed voice again) nine thousand dollars please…”
“I’m sorry, nine THOUSAND dollars?” the woman replied.
“Yes, that’s right… well, you always come back with change
right?!” I said.
Unfortunately despite my attempt to make light of the
situation, I somehow still came across like a money laundering drug baron fresh
back from a profitable score.
Her response…?
“I’ll just get my manager”.
To cut a long story short, the manager arrived and bizarrely
asked me – somewhat bizarrely – whether I had a ‘figure’ in mind.
“I didn’t realize this was open to negotiation…” I said.
“Just give me the exchange rate…”
So, ultimately I avoided bank wire transfer fees. However,
doing it this way I think I lost more money in this transaction that I would
have done doing it the other way.
Bastards.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing eh?
Anyhow, for the past couple of weeks since getting back I’ve
been busy sorting mine – and Jacky’s – ‘admin’.
You know, all those things which we take for granted once
they’re in place.
House insurance, bank accounts, phone contracts, health
cover, DVLA (driving) documentation, blah blah blah.
Most of it has been fairly straight forward, but there have
been one or two annoying discoveries along the way… car insurance for example.
Did you know that if you’ve been out of the country for two
years or more, most (and I mean MOST) car insurers automatically wipe your No
Claims Bonus (NCB).
Before I left the UK two years ago I had built up in excess
of five years NCB.
So when I bought my new car 10 days ago I thought I would –
at least – have those five years’ bonus, plus arguing rights over the past two
years when I’ve been overseas.
With no insurance claims in the US or Mexico in that time I
thought I had a chance of adding those years to my previously accrued five
years.
Wrong.
It was only after finding and agreeing a good insurance
quote online that my chosen insurer – esure – told me that a). not only do they
effectively wipe No Claims Bonus years if you’ve been away for two years or
more; b). they also then don’t insure a driver who has zero years No Claims
Bonus.
Great.
It doesn’t matter if those NCB years are protected or not,
they’re deemed ‘invalid’.
After a lengthy search, again online, I found that Admiral
do recognize the previous NCB years, however, they knock a year off that amount
for every two years you’ve sent away.
Not the best, but not the worst.
In 12 months’ time, if I decide to switch to a different
insurer, I’m guessing I’ll be having the same argument.
It seems that it doesn’t matter who or what you are,
insurance companies and banks have you by the balls and there’s nothing you can
do about it.
Still, I guess ultimately it’s a small price to pay for
happiness.
It’ll take more than this to wipe the smiles off our
sun-tanned faces.
Twitter: @tristan_nichols
