The great chili hunt

IT took all of five minutes after landing on British soil for Jacky to ask the question: “So… where can we buy chilis?”

Shit got serious minutes after.

Now, readers of this blog may well comment on the fact that I/we talk about ‘chili’ a lot. However nothing is more apparent now in our everyday lives than the apparent lack of heat/spice.

I think I felt the same way when I had my Star Wars toys taken away from me as a child after bullying my brother.

Somehow the Tesco ‘mixed chilis’ pack just doesn’t cut it.

Sure you can get jalapenos in a tin, but apparently it’s just not good enough.

And so begins the great chili hunt.

Just days after arriving back in the UK we began trawling the aisles of high-street supermarkets, corner shops, delicatessens, and even farmers markets.

While Jacks let out a yelp of glee at finding chilis, tortillas and other Mexican-related foods at the supermarket, nothing really completely ticks the box.

Joy

Further joy

The look of happiness says it all...

'Very hot' chilis

Chili powder - check

'Sweet' tortillas

The ‘guajillo’ chili – to this day, just over a week after arriving back in England – still eludes us.

Any ideas anyone?!

On one instance this past week I caught Jacky watching a YouTube video on how to make a toffee apple… only with tamarindo and chili rather than toffee.

“Mmmmmm… tacos…” Jacks soon after remarked on seeing a friend’s Facebook post and them devouring the dish.

Our circumstances may have changed dramatically, however mi esposa’s love of chili has not.

It’s only when you’ve been away from the UK for a while that you realize just how different our palates are.

Everything in the UK somehow just tastes sweeter.

Food in the US is incredibly unhealthy, notably for its salt/sugar content.

Eating a bag of chips (crisps) you need a glass of water to make it to the bottom.

But here, everything does appear to taste sweeter (which may well be the reason why Americans think that every Brit has ‘bad teeth’).

The look of pure disgust on Jacky’s face when she bit into an El Paso tortilla a couple of days ago said it all really.

She even remarked on how sweet Doritos taste. And she’s right.

Of course some things are always going to be sweet – and they’re admittedly all the better for it.

You can’t go wrong with a large dollop of jam and clotted cream on a scone. Right?

The controversial cream tea

However, in the process of preparing a scone and uploading a picture of the joyous occasion on Facebook, we started somewhat of an age-old debate about the whole ‘cream or jam first’.

Cornish = jam first.

Devonshire = cream first.

I have to say, controversially, I’m firmly in the ‘cream first’ camp.

Jacks is still undecided.

Further joy has been evident in re-discovering our love of crumpets.

Wowzers. If the rest of the world hasn’t cottoned on yet they’re clearly missing a trick.

Seeing your wife’s face light up at the sight of a freshly toasted crumpet is something to behold.

And a traditional roast dinner…? I.n.c.r.e.d.i.b.l.e.

It’s the simple things which make life better. And food makes EVERYTHING better.

Like eating a good Chinese takeaway for instance.

We take it for granted here in the UK but overseas… well, it’s a different story.

Last year, shortly after first arriving in San Diego, I Googled the words ‘good Chinese takeaway San Diego’.

Seconds later a few gazillion results were found. The first on the list… “there are NO good Chinese takeaways in San Diego”.

Fact.

And boy, Google was right.

With such a high density of Asians in San Diego, it’s bizarre that Chinese food can be SO bad over there.

So yes, food (and the lack of traditional Mexican chili) has been one of the main talking points and features of our return.

The last few days of our time in California has also been the topic of much discussion.

The visa application/notice at work etc seemed to be going so slowly and then – as fate would have it – everything sped up like a runaway train.

Jacks’ visa arrived in the post, and so began the fervent last minute ‘goodbyes’ and subsequent packing.

I have to admit that we actually started packing months ago. At least I did.

When we knew our time was coming to an end in San Diego I set the wheels in motion for our exit.

And, in the process of doing so, I realized a few further differences between here and there.

You see if you want to sell something second-hand in the UK you list it in the back of a newspaper or on a website.

Things generally take a while to sell, and you may never get a phone call - hence my decision to advertise the things we were selling early.

But I have to tell you, that process in the US is COMPLETELY different.

Within seconds of advertising bits on the website, ‘Craigslist’, people begin phoning.

They come round and they begin asking about other bits you have in the apartment – including things that aren’t actually for sale.

And of course, they also generally offer a 100^th of the advertised price.

Still, my naivity of this process caught us out.

Try explaining to your wife where the TV/sofa/stools/TV cabinet/desk/and kitchen utensils and appliances have gone… two months before you’re due to move out!

It’s fair to say I wasn’t in the best books for a while…

Still, I stand by my thinking: Clear the apartment so we know what we have left to take to the UK.

As anyone who’s been in the situation will know, condensing and collecting an ENTIRE apartment into a few suitcases is not easy – especially when your wife is Mexican, and she doesn’t know what the climate at the end destination will actually be like.

Girls really don’t get the concept of packing. Clearly.

At one point I had to remind her: “Um, they do have shops in the UK…”

Yes, this comment didn’t get my out of the bad books.

Knowing that we were facing a fairly hefty excess baggage charge, I attempted to ship a few bits back.

Bad idea. Airline excess baggage fees for up to 23kgs = $100.

One small box containing a couple of books and a picture frame = $180+.

Shipping news

Go figure.

Someone’s clearly making a lot of money.

So in the end we managed to bag everything up ready for our departure.

To this day I’m still not sure how we a). acquired so much stuff in so little time; and b). actually fit all that stuff into our suitcases.

Two years ago I arrived with a guitar and a bag of T-shirts and board shorts.

The day we left… five suitcases, a guitar, an iMac, two additional bags and other bits.

Some of our luggage...

The woman at the check-in desk looked ready to have a fit.

I just gave her my credit card, and then very nearly cried.

And fitting everything in my father’s Volkswagen Golf at the other end…? I personally think we broke some sort of record with that feat.

So yes, we’re back. And it’s beautiful. And Jacks is clearly very happy which makes me happy.

Say what you want about the rainfall in the UK but without it, it wouldn’t look so lovely and green.

Now… where did I leave the brolly ('umbrella' to those outside the UK)?

Twitter: @tristan_nichols

Further food for thought - tacos

“DO YOU want some of THAT meat in your breakfast taco?” a Mexican friend asks me as we take our places in the queue at one of Tijuana’s best-known and most celebrated taco stands.

“What is it?” I ask.

Oh… no sooner had I asked, I realized that the long thick piece of meat being ‘shaved’ in front of me was in fact a cow’s tongue.

Shaved tongue anyone?

People say they enjoy going to restaurants where they can see the chefs preparing the food in front of them.

But on this occasion I beg to differ.

Taco stands – and the idea of simply pulling over on the side of the road and eating among strangers – are woven into the very fabric of life in Mexico.

They are inextricably associated with Mexico in the same way as a traditional fish and chip shop is linked to England.

The look of them, the smells, the tastes, even the sound of them, is so unique you can only be in Mexico.

And it seems that over the generations, Mexicans have developed a technique to eating tacos.

Much like the Chinese with their amazing ability to eat soup with a pair of chopsticks, Mexican folk devour tacos without any issue.

And me? Well… here I’m like a clown who got left behind by the circus.

The skill involved with eating tacos is something which I am yet to master and truly understand.

I’m sure it’s a secret art which has been whispered to young Mexican ears through the generations.

So what is the secret?

“Head down and eat fast,” is one answer from a Mexican friend here in Tijuana.

“Big bites, get your head close to the plate, eat quick, don’t talk, focus,” adds another.

Good advice.

However no matter how hard I try, I end up wearing the tacos instead of consuming them.

I mean, how hard can it be...?

Okay...

It all went wrong from here

Napkin count for eating two tacos?

Thirteen.

In the end I’m not sure whether the restaurant charged us for the tacos, or for the napkins.

I look around and other people have clear plates with no evidence that they ever held food.

As we leave the stand I’m fully expecting one of the staff members to shout after me (between giggles) “you haven’t finished your food…”

Yes I know, I’ve left most of it on my once-clean T-shirt.

New sense of the word ‘takeaway’.

Eating at a taco stand will never be classed as a fine-dining experience.

It is definitely not the place to take a girl on a first date. Can you imagine?!

“I really like you…” says the hopeful hombre with meat juice and chili sauce dripping down his chin.

Cheque please!

However with all jokes aside, the food is goooooooood.

“The beauty of these taco stands is that you can drive for miles and miles into the middle of nowhere, you can be starving hungry, and then you’ll just stumble across a random one right there on the side of the road,” one Mexican friend tells me.

“It’ll almost certainly serve the most delicious tacos you’ve ever tasted. They can be the shittiest looking stands, but they’re guaranteed to serve the best food.

“That’s how it works.”

I mean, you just won't expect this to serve Michelin Star food right?!

Urban legends are always associated with culture, and – given the national obsession with tacos – it’s only natural that there will be some myths surrounding such places.

“They’re good, but they’ve not been the same since my friend was killed who used to work here…” a Mexican friend proclaimed as we tucked into tacos in Playas de Tijuana on another occasion.

“Car accident?” I offer between bites.

“No, he was shot dead by a gang.”

“Yeh, while serving tacos right?” I add laughing.

“Oh, you heard about that?” he asks me surprised.

“Um…WHAT?! I was joking!”

Yep sure enough, a while ago my friend’s favourite taco maker/server was murdered while doing his job in this very taco stand right here in Playas de Tijuana.

Gulp. Bon appetit!

Sure, you never really know what you’re going to get at these stands.

Some claim that another stand here in TJ once sold ‘cat’ tacos.

Admittedly when you look at the meat it’s difficult to tell which animal it once belonged to.

You can get egg and shredded beef tacos, which is basically your ‘breakfast’ taco.

As mentioned above you can also get ‘tongue’ tacos; chicharron (boiled pork scratchings) tacos; chicken tacos; intestine tacos; chorizo tacos; and fish tacos – or a strange combination of them all.

It seems that anything goes.

I’m sure that if someone discovered traces of horse meat in any tacos here, there would be a queue miles long across the border into San Diego.

Most tacos with either a mix of, or all, beans, chili, cheese, avocado and fresh herbs.

A relatively 'normal' taco

And most are actually delicious.

But with each visit comes a new surprise for me.

Last weekend Jacks and I took our seats at a taco restaurant in front of a cauldron-like bubbling dish of stringed meat.

The ‘meat’ turned out to be intestines.

Sometimes you just shouldn't ask...

Worst of all… after we ate relatively ‘normal’ meat tacos, I discovered that the actual taco tortillas are cooked in the fat which the intestines are fried in.

Mmmmmmm… not.

Anyone hungry...?